Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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