I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
