My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
