I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
