dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
