Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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