Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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