do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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