Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
