I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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