i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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