Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
