Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
