This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
