i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
