they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
