Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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