i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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