It's Friday. Sex?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
