I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
dude. I can hear the air.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
