Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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