Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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