I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
