it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
