even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
