How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I didn't notice because vodka
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
