It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
