Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
