I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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