i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The power of my boobs compel you
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
