No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
operation have a gay friend backfired
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just want to make out with him forever
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
