every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize