which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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