we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
