toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
