I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
