Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
