At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
