Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
