My room smells like vodka and shame
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
