you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
