i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
