I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
