I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
