i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize