So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
