Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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