Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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