can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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