Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
