I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
