Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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