You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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