Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Girls should come with a carfax report
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
