i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
