Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's just like the Real World with babies
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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