You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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