Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
