Will you blow on my dice?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
