"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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