he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
