come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
