I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
