Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
