Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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