Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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