My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Everyone says I win the strip club
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
