Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
