Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
