Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
