I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
