I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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