I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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