You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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