either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How does it feel to date your dad?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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