Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
