Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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