none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
