I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
