it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need to calm my uterus...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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