Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
