Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize