try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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