Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
