Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well I just put wine in my tea
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My dick has a subreddit
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
