time to smoke my breakfast
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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