I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
