I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize