we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i drank out of a bidet.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
