You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
