we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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