; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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