Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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