Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
