Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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