bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
