I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
