are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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