I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Let's get the cat blown out
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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